Talking to bouncers and seeing if I'm on a list...

...makes me uncomfortable. My default setting is "not on the list." So my natural instinct and desire is to wait in line with everyone else. This weekend, we went to some event and there was a pretty long line. My girlfriend insisted we go to the front and tell the bouncer we're on some sort of list. So I have to walk past all of these people, with what to me felt like a high probability of being sent back to the end of the line. To make matters worse, the bouncer has to send someone inside to check if there even is a list. At that point I'm actually saying aloud, "We're not on the list. We RSVP'ed, just like everyone else."

Turns out, there was a list. And just the knowledge of the existence of that list was enough to get us past the line. If I was in line, I would hate me. But I wasn't, so eat it line.

Office birthday parties...

...make me uncomfortable. Especially when they consist of standing around eating cake in uncomfortable silence. I try to avoid them at all costs, which is pretty easy since I don't love cake or uncomfortable silence. So if I don't come to your birthday cake event by the copy machine, have a great birthday anyways.

Trying on shoes...

...makes me uncomfortable. Only if someone has to go and get the shoes for me. I guess this probably stems from my aversion to talking to people I don't know, who only talk to me because it's their job. Also, I have small feet.

Writing "thank you" notes...

...makes me uncomfortable. It already says "thank you," which is basically all the note is for. Then there's all of this blank space, which I feel obligated to fill up with more words. The more I fill up, the more thankful I seem. Usually, I don't have that much to say about the thankfulness. From now on, I'm just going to tack a few words onto the "Thank You" printed on the card.


THANK YOU for letting me stay at your hose.
THANK YOU for dinner.
THANK YOU for letting me touch your privates.

Since I only send about two of these notes a year, it's not really a big deal. Still, uncomfortable.

Sitting at a table for two, between and very close to two other tables of two...

...makes me uncomfortable. You might as well be sitting at a table for six. I can hear everything they're saying, they can hear everything I'm saying, which makes me super aware of what I'm talking about. It also makes it hard for me to pay attention to whoever I'm with, since I'm listening to another conversation and thinking about how stupid that conversation is. Then I realize they're probably listening to me talk and thinking the same thing. Newsflash! Your restaurant is too small for the amount of tables you have!

Nitpicking terms of a standard legal agreement...

...makes me uncomfortable. We're renting someone's house for a vacation, and as he should, the owner has a 14 page legal document for us to sign and return before we can rent it. Generally, I don't even read these documents. I'm guessing they're pretty standard. As long as you use common sense and treat the property with respect, there won't be a problem. But when you have two lawyers traveling with you, they apparently want to read the agreement and make all sorts of legal comments about it, which I then have to talk to the owner about. I don't like being that guy. I wish I had blindly signed the document and returned it.

Elevator conversations...

...make me uncomfortable. I know I'm not alone here. Being stuck in that little box with someone I speak to only when stuck in that little box is one of the worst experiences. Better going up than down. When you go down, there's a chance you'll leave the building with that person and walk in the same direction, extending the conversation you never really wanted to have in the first place. There's one guy, who I know will try and talk to me about football every time we're in the elevator. Not because he loves football, but because it's his defense mechanism for the uncomfortable situation.


A less intense form of uncomfortable comes from listening to other people have elevator coversations. I'm thankful it's not me, but I'm uncomfortable just the same.